Prior to meeting CG, I had been in love with a man named Ern (as you may have read from my many previously depressing posts). I believed Ern to be my One. I had this enormous amount of passion for him that I thought could never be duplicated for anyone else. We were complicated, twisted, in love, addicted, and each other's crutch. Somehow, we were our best friends and each other's most pitiful downfalls. He's broken my heart too many times.
Since our most recent separation, one that is marked by a three week hiatus of indifferent phone calls and misplaced love, I have had the pleasure of discovering CG.
About a month ago I re-met CG. He and I had grown up together, but had never dated, talked, or even exchanged glances. He's 2 years older, but we went to the same elementary school, junior high, high school, and even shared best friends that were brothers. Somehow we had never managed to cross paths.
In mid-October, I was invited to go 'Drink Around the World' (DATW) at Epcot in Disney World by one of my best-friends, Andy. Andy is the brother of CG's best friend, so lo-and-behold, CG joined the crew in drinking (mind you, a crew of over 300+).
When I first arrived, I had recognized CG, but figured he would've forgotten long ago about me, seeing as it had been almost 8 years since I had last remembered seeing him. Throughout the day, he and I exchanged glances, but nearly took all day to finally talk.
Now, I'm not sure if I can explain this well, but do you know what it feels like to instantly connect with someone? Share that moment where everything is silenced around you, and all that you can hear, think, or see is the person standing in front of you? This is what happened with CG and I.
Between the UK and Canada, CG and I got lost in each other's conversation for about 30 minutes. Briefly we had gone over recent life moments, including his accomplishment of a Bachelor's from the University of Michigan and my recent stint at graduate school. He also explained to me his current living situation - Irvine, California. Yes, California.
To divulge some private information about myself, I currently reside in Orlando, Florida. Yes, Florida.
CG and I became entranced by each other. I wanted to know more. I wanted to understand why I found him to be so endearing (aside from his gorgeous green eyes). My friend Tanya, who had accompanied me to DATW, kept urging me to go, seeing as CG and I were traveling around the world in different groups. He informed me that he was leaving the next morning which pushed our desire to talk even further. Unfortunately, our conversation was cut short, and although he tried to get my number, my dead phone battery was of no help. We separated, promising to use Andy's phone to get in contact before the night ended, in order to rekindle our conversation...
Turns out Andy's phone battery had also quit that night, leaving CG and I separated within the same city. Thanks to Facebook (which I find myself never saying), CG and I found each other. We weren't able to meet up before he left, but he and I have been talking since the say we separated. Although he's located over 2,000 miles away, he have been with each other hours on end almost every night. We talk all the time. If we're not talking we're texting. If my internet connection happens to work well, we Skype/Google Talk.
We like each other. We enjoy each other, but there are those miles of separation that have prevented him and I from giving in to an actual 'relationship'.
So the first thing that I've wanted to do with this blog, is to let whoever (whomever?) in on what I've been recently grappling with. Sometimes I cry thinking of how difficult its been to miss someone who I have never been within the vicinity of for more than 30 minutes. I wish he was here, and I wish I was there. I want to know what he feels like.
The second thing I hope to do with this post, is to include the most recent Skype conversation we had. I want to give you some insight on why I like him, and what he and I struggle with.
He's is the 1st person in a very long time that has instantly had me. I know he feels the same earning I do. I know he understands the uncertainty surrounding us. I just really hope he and I somehow give it a try. I want and need him.
[5:08:44 PM] KM: go to sleep mister
[5:08:48 PM] KM: ;)
[5:09:06 PM] CG: lol.
[5:09:09 PM] CG: got distrated
[5:09:14 PM] KM: by what?
[5:09:26 PM] CG: i dont take naps easy anyways
[5:09:29 PM] CG: just the internet
[5:09:37 PM] KM: porn huh?
[5:09:40 PM] KM: jk ;)
[5:09:53 PM] KMd: i want to take a nap now lol
[5:10:09 PM] KM: nap with me? hehe
[5:10:30 PM] CG: doesnt sound like we would be sleeping lol
[5:10:32 PM] CG: jk
[5:10:41 PM] KM: haha
[5:10:42 PM] KM: dream on
[5:10:50 PM] KM: oh dis
[5:11:19 PM] KM: i'm distrcted now too
[5:12:28 PM] CG: LOL
[5:12:37 PM] KM: lol?
[5:13:20 PM] CG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ3_-SbtOL0
[5:15:29 PM] KM: nice
[5:15:43 PM] KM: me gusta
[5:16:10 PM] CG: yeah i have it on loop right now
[5:16:49 PM] KM: its hypnotizing
[5:18:23 PM] KM: do you have any guilty pleasures?
[5:26:20 PM] CG: hmmm
[5:26:37 PM] CG: i dont really know...i just do what i like
[5:27:09 PM] CG: dont consider it a guilty pleasures cause i want to them without concequence
[5:27:16 PM] KM: for example: me watching America's Next Top Model?
[5:29:37 PM] CG: but if you like it why is it a guilt pleasure?
[5:32:54 PM] KM: eh.. cause its shitty reality tv lol
[5:35:31 PM] KM: i want to be on americas next top model, lol
[5:35:39 PM] KM: or an actress
[5:35:47 PM] CG: lol
[5:35:51 PM] CG: why?
[5:36:39 PM] KM: i don't know exactly why. I think it stems from when i was a kid. like the "ugly duckling syndrome"
[5:37:47 PM] KM: plus i think with acting it'd be cool to pretend to be someone else
[5:38:00 PM] CG: lol
[5:38:18 PM] KM: i just want to be pretty, lol
[5:38:20 PM] KM: jk
[5:38:51 PM] KM: i think i'm going to paint my nails
[5:38:58 PM] CG: what color?
[5:39:08 PM] KM: i think purple
[5:39:14 PM] KM: why, lol?
[5:40:01 PM] KM: sometimes i paint my nails many different colors at once
[5:40:04 PM] CG: just because?
[5:40:19 PM] CG: each one been different before? like each a diferent color
[5:40:30 PM] KM: haha yea
[5:41:15 PM] KM: sometimes i can't decide
[5:48:32 PM] KM: plus i've always wanted to be done up in make-up and fancy clothes lol
[5:49:05 PM] KM: weird
[5:53:34 PM] CG: LOL
[5:54:05 PM] KM: like a girly girl
[5:54:09 PM] KM: :)
[5:54:47 PM] KM: what are you up to now? trying to nap? lol
[5:55:16 PM] CG: listening to music mostly
[5:55:17 PM] CG: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9sGd-JLvNA
[5:55:24 PM] CG: i love the solo
[5:55:36 PM] CG: you can just skip to 4:30 if you want to hear ir
[5:57:12 PM] KM: haha yeaa
[5:57:20 PM] KM: i like classic
[5:57:24 PM] KM: rock
[5:57:59 PM] KM: but i'm more of a fan of the eagles than skynard
[5:58:17 PM] KM: although i know you'll probably make fun of me for that lol
[5:58:38 PM] CG: not all...im more of fan anything with good solos
[5:58:58 PM] CG: doesnt matter who
[6:00:32 PM] KM: coolio
[6:00:59 PM] KM: this genre reminds me of my dad. its all the music he used to play when we would drive aywhere.
[6:01:04 PM] KM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=km4-eKvv3EM
[6:02:48 PM] KM: its fun
[6:03:51 PM] CG: not a bad song
[6:04:36 PM] KM: eh, its the doobie brothers so its light
[6:04:46 PM] KM: lol i almost types boobie brothers
[6:04:52 PM] KM: typed*
[6:06:42 PM] CG: LOL
[6:06:55 PM] KM: boobie brothers?
[6:06:56 PM] KM: lol
[6:08:06 PM] KM: i took a photography class at fiu a few years ago
[6:08:12 PM] KM: black & white
[6:09:02 PM] CG: and?
[6:09:12 PM] KM: i loved it
[6:09:23 PM] KM: watching americas next top model reminds me of it
[6:09:26 PM] KM: lol thats all
[6:09:29 PM] KM: geez
[6:09:52 PM] CG: lol i was just getting context lol
[6:10:01 PM] KM: you should see some of my work
[6:10:03 PM] KM: ;)
[6:10:04 PM] KM: lol
[6:10:29 PM] KM: that sounds like a pick up line
[6:11:14 PM] KM: "you should see some of my work" ;)
[6:21:46 PM] KM: i can make you my new subject booooiiii lol
[6:22:09 PM] CG: lol
[6:22:26 PM] CG: i dont do full nudes though
[6:22:56 PM] KM: partial nudes?
[6:23:24 PM] CG: maybe a shoulder
[6:24:01 PM] KM: i'll just superimpose your face on someone else's body lol
[6:24:26 PM] CG: fine put on radcliffes body...
[6:24:34 PM] KM: haha! sexy!
[6:24:39 PM] KM: jealoussssss....
[6:24:42 PM] KM: ;)
[6:24:43 PM] KM: lol
[6:25:05 PM] KM: we can take pictures together lol
[6:25:10 PM] KM: hiyo
[6:28:55 PM] KM: jk
[6:51:31 PM] CG: hi!!!
[6:51:34 PM] CG: that is all
[6:54:16 PM] KM: do you think its weird
[6:54:18 PM] KM: ?
[6:54:24 PM] CG: what is?
[6:54:31 PM] KM: us?
[6:55:00 PM] CG: nope
[6:55:06 PM] CG: i would rather be wierd than normal
[6:55:44 PM] KM: i wish you were here
[6:56:29 PM] CG: yeah....
[6:57:14 PM] KM: i just did some laundry :)
[6:58:01 PM] KM: one of my favorite feelings is laying in a bed with freshly clean sheets
[6:58:27 PM] KM: i didn't mean 'i wish you were hear' in a bad way
[6:58:33 PM] KM: if you took it that way
[6:58:33 PM] CG: yeah i know
[6:59:05 PM] KM: are you upset?
[6:59:41 PM] CG: no just pondering...which i know is not a good thing to do lol
[6:59:51 PM] KM: about?
[7:00:40 PM] CG: the same stuff...but thats depressing lol
[7:01:58 PM] CG: cause i dont want to bring you down either
[7:02:41 PM] KM: i know
[7:03:06 PM] KM: you don't bring me down
[7:03:35 PM] KM: i kinda think about it regardless if you remind me or not, lol
[7:03:42 PM] CG: lol
[7:04:15 PM] KM: can i be honest with you?
[7:04:20 PM] CG: yeah
[7:04:28 PM] CG: you know you can always
[7:05:51 PM] KM: i asked you do you think we're weird because i find myself missing you even though we've never been in the same vicinity of each other for more than 20 mins.
[7:05:56 PM] KM: and...
[7:06:17 PM] KM: i like it. i like you
[7:06:52 PM] KM: i guess its just a bit weird to like someone 2500 miles away
[7:07:04 PM] KM: for me at least, cause i've never been in this situation before
[7:07:17 PM] KM: sorry if that was a lot
[7:07:19 PM] KM: :/
[7:08:11 PM] KM: i didn't mean i like the distance when i said 'i like it' before. i just meant that i like liking you, lol
[7:10:20 PM] CG: ...im not ignoring you...im just thinking
[7:10:49 PM] CG: and i like you too...just ive never been in this situation before...and it looms on me
[7:11:00 PM] CG: every now and then
[7:12:20 PM] KM: yea
[7:13:05 PM] KM: i'm happy we'll get to see each other over thanksgiving
[7:13:42 PM] KM: i know i've said this before, but maybe we should try not to think about it/not make any decisions until then?
[7:13:55 PM] CG: and i totally agree
[7:14:05 PM] CG: just easier said then done
[7:14:25 PM] KM: yea, same here
[7:19:06 PM] KM: i'm sorry
[7:21:07 PM] CG: you have nothing to be sorry about
[7:21:42 PM] KM: fyi, i don't think its impossible
[7:24:49 PM] KM: but i'm sure it woud be difficult
[7:25:27 PM] CG: yeah i agree..i know its not impossible..i just dont know how emotionally i would be able to handle it
[7:26:16 PM] KM: what do you mean?
[7:32:23 PM] KM: hey, i'm heading out jogging
[7:32:50 PM] CG: sorry i wasnt more communicative
[7:33:02 PM] CG: just thinking lol
[7:35:06 PM] KM: no its ok. i know we're kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place (for lack of a better cliche). but there's not much more we can do right now besides waiting and seeing what thanksgiving break brings us, i guess.
[7:35:28 PM] CG: and im all about that
[7:35:48 PM] KM: alright then
[7:35:56 PM] KM: i'll talk to you later alligator
[7:36:16 PM] CG: lol....go like a fetus and head out
[7:36:38 PM] KM: i was actully born feet first/sunny side up fyi
[7:36:47 PM] CG: LOL
[7:36:49 PM] CG: wow
[7:36:52 PM] KM: both kinda work now i guess
[7:37:14 PM] KM: yea my mom had to have a c section cause the cord was also around my neck
[7:37:24 PM] CG: LOL
[7:37:27 PM] CG: problem child
[7:37:33 PM] KMd: seriously
[7:37:36 PM] KM: from the beginning
[7:37:37 PM] KM: ok
[7:37:42 PM] KM: bbbyyyyyeeeee
[7:37:48 PM] CG: byyyyyyyyeeeeeeee
[7:37:49 PM] KM: what time are you heading out?
[7:37:59 PM] CG: hour and a half
[7:38:10 PM] KM: okie dokie
[7:38:37 PM] KM: try to enjoy :)
[7:38:45 PM] CG: i will lol
[7:38:52 PM] KG: k, bye again
[7:39:26 PM] CG: buh bye
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