Nothing Normal

I am the loneliest person. I have no one. Everything I feel, is left within me, for I have no one to share it with. So much weighs on me and there's no one to help carry it. I felt like with you, it was easier. Without you, I'm crumbling. I wish I understood why I feel this way. Its crazy, literally crazy to feel this way still. Is there reason to this madness? Something is clearly wrong with me if I have hoped for you for so long. You're gone. You're gone but I still feel for you. I ache for you. You never leave my mind, and it is simply madness. There's no explanation to help me understand why I feel so much love for you. And yet, it all goes unanswered.

I know I shouldn't feel this way. I know she's in your life now, but it's killing me. I feel like its physically killing me to live with this mindset. Knowing she's better than me. Knowing you get to have someone there. You get companionship, while I get to be alone. That drives me mad. You cheated on me, you lied, you ruined a friendship, you hurt me so many times in so many ways, and yet you get a prize at the end??? Where is the fairness in that? I am your prize, because in spite and with love for everything, I was standing there holding your hand. I was there through your ups and your downs, and yet you deserve better than me? Who else will love you the way that I do? Where is my companion if you're gone? Who else do I get to give my heart away. Why do you get the normal, steady, "happy" relationship? I get the scraps. I get to sit in my room, on my broken bed, on my dirty sheets, in my dirty clothes, with myself. Only with myself. Where is the fairness in that? What have I done to deserve this? I gave everything, and in spite of us failing, there is no one else to help me carry. I am so alone. I'm dying. I feel this rush of emotion leaving my body every time I hear your name, and I know its your name that's killing me. I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't laugh. This isn't normal, this isn't sane. How can you be okay with this? Where are your tears, where is your sadness, where is your loneliness? Why am I left? This isn't normal.